It's the end of the world as we know it...

Hunkered down here in Schloss QM waiting for the end of the world whilst eyeing the Christmas treats I cannot help but feel slightly cheated here. After all it's the last day of the Mayan long count calender and as everyone knows the world is supposed to end, or should it be the biggest new years eve party ever? I'd prefer the latter to be honest, it would at least mean I got a lie in rather than face having to go into town and do some Christmas shopping for all the stuff I cannot get online and pre wrapped.
Still whilst we wait here's a particularly apt song by REM.

For as much as it's worth happy new long count Mayan calender...

People will believe anything...

Sometime this month the Mayan long count calender reaches the end of its long count. Some people believe this presages the end of the world as we know it and have stocked up on various canned and dried goods to outright purchase of survival centres. It's not particularly bothering me, people are entitled to believe what they want so long as they don't try to force their views on me (Yes government I'm looking at you here) nor expect me to pay for their foibles.
Telegraph.

Fears that the end of the world is nigh have spread across the world with only days until the end of the Mayan calendar, with doomsday-mongers predicting a cataclysmic end to the history of Earth.
Ahead of December 21, which marks the conclusion of the 5,125-year "Long Count" Mayan calendar, panic buying of candles and essentials has been reported in China and Russia, along with an explosion in sales of survival shelters in America. In France believers were preparing to converge on a mountain where they believe aliens will rescue them.
The precise manner of Armageddon remains vague, ranging from a catastrophic celestial collision between Earth and the mythical planet Nibiru, also known as Planet X, a disastrous crash with a comet, or the annihilation of civilisation by a giant solar storm.

Thing is there's always someone predicting the end of the world, the Jehovah's Witnesses had a handle on millennialism for decades before going very quiet about their history and the various spurious claims made by the leadership which somehow or other never came to pass and were wiped from the official record. Almost every religion has its end of the world 'myth' it's frequently used to keep its followers in line and not questioning why the priests need all those people to sacrifice or other odd bits of dogma which worked ok in the 7th century but clearly have no place today.
The internet itself has added to the panic as well as a couple of Hollywood films, it's very easy to reinforce your fears simply by googling, still that's freedom of choice for you, it allows you the freedom to be an idiot...
Thing is, what most of these people don't seem to get is the odd thing about calenders...
When you reach the end of one, you start another after December 31st comes January 1st. We should be celebrating a happy new long cycle calender...

Mayans themselves reject any notion that the world will end. Pedro Celestino Yac Noj, a Mayan sage, burned seeds and fruits to mark the end of the old calender at a ceremony in Cuba. He said: "The 21st is for giving thanks and gratitude and the 22nd welcomes the new cycle, a new dawn."

Says it all really.

They can have ours

One of the weirder aspects of the Scottish Nationalist Parties attempts to remove itself from the UK has been its insistence on handing over its independence to the EU. Still it must have been a bit disappointing to them to learn that if they do gain independence they'll have to apply to join the EU, rather than still be an accepted member.
Express.

IF Scotland were to gain independence it would have to apply again for EU membership, a European Commission spokesman said. EC spokesman Olivier Baiily and President Jose Manuel Barroso have said that any potential new member would have to request accession from outside the EU.
Today, EC spokesman Olivier Bailly told BBC Radio Scotland that there are two steps.
"There is a secession process under international law, and the request for accession to EU member state under EU treaties.
"In the mean time, of course, this new treaty is not part of the EU since it has to make a request for accession."
But SNP government minister, Keith Brown denied that an independent Scotland would have to apply for entry.
Mr Brown said: "It's simply our position, as it always has been, that Scotland will accede to the EU simply because we take on the same obligations and treaties that we currently have.

Well, first off, Scotland as such doesn't have any obligations or treaties with the EU, those are the remit of the UK government in Westminster, I suspect Mr Brown must know this, though it makes a good soundbite. Should Scotland however leave the UK, then it is not part of the EU, whereas the UK would be (more's the pity)
Still, there is a solution, a fairly simple one at that. Were Scotland to take possession of the UK's treaty of Rome, then they would remain in the EU and the rest of us would have to approve a Westminster governments attempts to take us back into the EU vis a referendum.
They get all the benefits of being in the EU, we get all the benefits of not having to pay for the EU.
Win, win.

Note, this article should be seen as entirely tongue in cheek...

If only...

Sometimes the odd story comes along that makes me smile and think if only...
Express.

A BRITISH warship was at the centre of extraordinary international tension when it was accused of targeting the US president’s wife Michelle Obama.

The American Secret Service reacted furiously when they noticed the missiles on HMS Edinburgh were aiming directly at Mrs Obama’s hotel suite in South Africa.

The agents complained and one told the British crew: “You can’t point those guns at the First Lady.”

The Royal Navy warship was docked alongside Mrs Obama’s exclusive Cape Town hotel as she embarked on her first major overseas tour without her husband Barack since he became President.

Red-faced British officers were forced to reassure her security detail that the Type 42 destroyer was only carrying blank rockets, known as “drills” and explain that the weapons were on show for ceremonial reasons following the death of an officer.

 Seriously though, the Royal Navy is not going to target the wife of the U.S. president, much as we might like too at times, but we exist in a world of grown ups, not the American Secret Service world. And, whilst a good few of us might like to see the odd U.S. president looking down the barrels of a Royal Navy rocket salvo, we know that isn't going to happen either. We know Obama doesn't like us, we know why too, the man is a racist of the "he can'r be a racist as he's black" type so beloved of socialist numpties and liberal idiots. He seems to think or believe that his Mau Mau supporting descendents in Kenya had some sort of moral high ground rather than being murderous scum. But he's entitled to his (wrong) beliefs, just doesn't make him anyone I like is all.
A simple phone call and not a full fledged panic by the Secret Service would probably have sorted out the problem immediately instead of intruding on the sorrow and grief of the crew of HMS Edinburgh.
Still if only we dared, might do the silly buggers the world of good to realise that they aren't that loved by their friends and allies, never mind their enemies.

That's gotta hurt

Andy Chowderhead and his Muslims Against Everyone and Everything Crusades was out marching yesterday in his self proclaimed shariah controlled zones.
London 24.

Islamist fanatics who plastered stickers in streets claiming that residential areas in east London were under the control of Sharia law, have held marches in streets today (Saturday).

Around 50 members of fringe group Muslims against Crusades (MAC) walked through Leyton in a noisy protest against British society.

Marchers chanted ‘Sharia for UK’, ‘secularism go to hell’ and ‘democracy is hypocrisy.’

Meanwhile, another demonstration by the group was held in Walthamstow.

Opponents of MAC from anti-fascist organisations and left-wing groups staged their own protest at the scene.

The fundamentalists of the MAC have thrust themselves into the spotlight over the past week by claiming that streets in inner-city east London were under control by morality squads enforcing the strict code of Shariah Law.

Stickers appeared in parts of Newham which set a list of strict rules which must be followed.

Speaking to London24.com this week, MAC spokesman Anjem Choudary claimed the new campaign was a response to the murders in Oslo, Norway, by killer Anders Breivik.

Mr Choudary also admitted to London24.com that MAC does not have enough members to enforce its own ‘sticker code.’

 The EDL were monitoring the two marches though were under instructions not to get involved as the real trouble was expected to come from other groups. Still this is an eye witness report of the antics.

I was in Walthamstow today and saw the demo. There was no counter demonstration from "anti fascist groups", that is a complete lie. Before the event the socialist workers had their usual anti EDL and BNP stupid stalls then disappeared

It's well known that anti-fascist groups will only target the likes of the EDL and BNP and literally have to tie themselves in verbal knots to justify not taking action against Islamic extremists.

It was good that the EDL wasn't there it as it was countered by moderate Muslims who were debating and arguing with them. This almost turned into a fight and the police had to intervene. A quote from a moderate "I'd rather stand with the EDL", caused a big argument with Abu Izzadeen the main man at the centre of it. Elsewhere there was sporadic trouble between the two. I spoke to some moderates and they were keen to argue with these guys which was good, it needs more of them to do this. Had the EDL been there it no doubt would've been chaos with EDL blamed as usual. It was a pleasure to see the MAC lot shaking their heads in despair. I overhead some of them talking and they were clearly not happy with how the day had gone.

So there you go, a complete fiasco for both the Muslim extremists and the so called anti fascist groups who deliberately chose not to face them. Well done to the Muslim moderates who opposed them and the comment "I'd rather stand with the EDL" has got to hurt big time for both anti-fascists and MAC enthusiasts.

Taking the mickey

Some people will sue at the drop of a hat over injury or insult, real or imagined. Sometimes though it's very much self inflicted when it comes to facing mockery.

Daily Mail.

Muslim PC sues after workmates 'laughed at his beard'
A Muslim police officer claims he was forced out of his job by colleagues who made fun of his beard and called him a 'f***ing Paki'.
PC Javid Iqbal, 38, said white officers openly discussed in front of him how they were ' better' than their ethnic-minority colleagues.
The married father of two also claims officers pulled faces at each other if told they had to go out on patrol with him and forced him to walk home from a job instead of picking him up.

Mr Iqbal, who was born and raised in Stevenage, Hertfordshire, told the Daily Mail: 'My beard is an important part of my identity which helps other Muslims relate to me.

Now I don't know about the truth of the other allegations, but if you're going to go about looking like this at most places of work then you deserve everything you get.

You should see his wife's beard.

I'm sorry Mr Iqbal, but really, religious reasons or not, with that beard you look like a bit of a tit and whilst it may have been cruel, you're the one who chose to grow the beard and stand out from the rest of your colleagues. People will often make fun of anyone who chooses to be different, most shrug it off as a bit of fun, but not so much when it comes down to the "religion of the perpetually offended"
Still I'm sure you'll get the money, which I figure in the end is far more important to you than simply getting on with the job.

Any publicity is good publicity?

I finally caught up with a tv series called "The Walking Dead" last night, it's showing on Channel 5 on Sundays and seems to be repeated this Friday, though owing to the wonderful Virgin it's available all week via their system along with various other BBC, ITV and Channel 4 shows. It's quite handy to me at times as the way my shifts work out my days off vary by a day owing to 4 on 4 off.
Still I did enjoy it though zombie films aren't really my cup of tea, still it came highly reccomended by friend who'd seen it previously on the FX channel (which I don't get).
Anyway I must admit to having a good laugh when I read about this in the BBC.

An advertising firm has apologised for placing a billboard for a TV show called The Walking Dead on the side of a funeral parlour.

The unintended, "unfortunate juxtaposition" caused raised eyebrows in Consett, County Durham.

The roadside advert for the Channel 5 post-apocalyptic drama has since been removed from the exterior wall of the Co-operative Funeralcare premises.

An alternative poster has been pasted in its place.

The Walking Dead follows the survivors of a zombie apocalypse

Ok, it was a bit insensitive placement, but damn me if it didn't make me smile.

Hat tip to Thomas Hobbes in the comments

Soap Dodgers

Interesting spot in the Urban Dictionary especially number 3

3. Unite Against Fascism

A group of Students, Social Misfits, Communists and failed suicide bombers who protest against patriotic English people whilst waving the flag of Soviet Russia, they love Communism and everything that denies freedom, they openly support Islamic extremists and are the most hypocrital people in the world, they are all racist, fascist Nazis. UAF members never wash or even change clothes and are always high on acid hence their nicknames "Soap-Dodgers"

are you in the UAF (Unite Against Fascism)?" "yeah" "you are a fucking traitor then"

uaf nazis racists antifa weyman bennett soviets communism soap dodgers unite against fascism

Seems the EDL are having fun.

One for the road

It's apparently very rude to tell a Pole that they drink too much or heavily, one of those interesting factoids where different people from different nations can cause offence if you aren't careful. others can be

:: Winking is considered a rude gesture in Hong Kong.
:: The Chinese are very suspicious - talking about poverty, failure or death could cause offence.
:: Visitors from the United Arab Emirates don't take kindly to being bossed around.
:: When accepting thanks, Koreans will typically say "No, no." The remark should be interpreted as "You are welcome".
:: The term "Poms", which is used by Australians and New Zealanders, is a term of endearment, rather than a insult.
:: Snapping your fingers in the presence of a Belgian is regarded as impolite.

Well according to Sky anyway, though they say British, they are apparently talking about the English as this is the London Olympics being held up as a potential embarrassment.
That's as maybe, doesn't seem to stop foreigners telling us what to do or how to behave, though it seems harder to actually insult an English person by gestures, mostly because we tend not to recognise the obscene when it's thrown in our face, or merely find it funny.
That said, there is the case today of a Polish driver really having a drink problem.

Express.

LORRY DRIVER SPILLS 25,000 BOTTLES OF BEER

A LORRY driver spilled 25,000 bottles of beer over a busy highway as he led police on a wild goose chase.

Driver Krzystof Lewandowski, 44, was trying to dodge police in Chojnice, Poland, who had clocked him speeding, when he took the exit too quickly and flipped his truck.
 
Police spent hours clearing up the mess while keeping other motorists away from trying to salvage the wreck.
 
One officer told the Austrian Times: "People were convinced there must be some unbroken bottles but it was too dangerous to let them look. There was broken glass everywhere."

Typical cops keeping people away from salvaging something, wonder how the party at the local station went though :-D

Taking the p___

Sometimes you just have to smile at human ingenuity.

BBC.

Cambridgeshire police have been trying out a portable device to help women urinate standing up.

The plastic funnel can be used without the need to remove any items of clothing.

The trial was to determine whether the £7.50 Shewee would be useful for the force's 380 female officers if they went out on patrol.

But results showed there was "not a great need" for the gadget, the police force said.

In a Freedom of Information response however, the force said the introduction of the plastic funnels was "still under consideration".

Shewee inventor Samantha Fountain, 33, failed to secure investment when she presented her design on the 2005 series of BBC's Dragons' Den.

The device, which comes in five colours, has since gained widespread popularity among festival-goers, pregnant women and hikers.

As hikers my good lady and myself are well aware of the perils of being caught short so to speak and whilst as a bloke it's fairly easy to take advantage of the nearest bush, it's often not so easy for Lady QM. So, whilst the the police may not adopt it, I'm certainly going to research it a little more for my good Lady and see if it's worth the price and the effort. Makes you wonder why someone didn't think of it earlier, but that's often enough the case with the simplest and best inventions.
What I'm really hoping for though is for a device like a microwave in reverse that chills or freezes objects like beer or wine. That's got sure fire winner written all over it.

Mind boggling but oh so very English

Sat Nav either a bane or a blessing to motorists, though personally I've never used it myself, even during the times I was a mobile service engineer, preferring road atlases and A to Z's (based oddly enough in Kent in a small town called Borough Green, near Sevenoaks)

Still you hear occasional horror stories of lorries being taken under low bridges and cars down private roads, but over all, mostly positive. One of the big brands is Tom Tom and they have looked very carefully for the new voice, a truly English voice, for their product and naturally selected...

Brian Blessed.

The actor, who for many will be forever remembered as Vultan, the energetic and voluble leader of the Hawkmen in the 1980 film Flash Gordon, has signed a deal with the sat nav company Tom Tom.

The famous catchphrase from the film, "Dive, my Hawkmen, dive!", can now be heard by fans trundling along in their Ford Fiestas, re-recorded as "Drive, Hawkmen, drive".
And when they reach their destination, instead of the "Gordon's alive!" line from the film, Blessed booms out of the car speakers: "Gordon's arrived!".
Blessed recorded the 57 basic commands needed, along with six special catchphrases, at a London studio last week.
The actor has, over his career, attracted a cult following, not just because of his Flash Gordon role but his other larger-than-life parts, including Augustus in I, Claudius and Long John Silver in Treasure Island.
His deal with Tom-Tom came about after a fan, Richard Gardner, started a Facebook page, "Campaign to get Brian Blessed to do a voice over for my sat nav". After attracting a few hundred members Mr Gardner approached Tom-Tom. The sat nav company said that if he could attract more than 25,000 members, they would chat to Blessed's agent. The group now has 25,772 members and Blessed will enjoy a cut of any sales from the sat nav.

Almost tempts me into buying one, after all "Who wants to live forever?"