How to get ahead in politics

Well if you're Catherine Margaret Ashton, Baroness Ashton of Upholland the answers simple, never put yourself in a position where you might possibly face an election. That's right, the first High Representative of the Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy in the EU has never faced an election by the voting public* in her life.

As the Times puts it,

Lady Ashton, 52, a former leader of the Lords, took over as British Commissioner in Brussels when Lord Mandelson was brought back to the UK Cabinet by Mr Brown. News of her promotion will astound British diplomats, who would not have regarded her senior enough for the job. The two new posts are meant to bolster the EU’s influence overseas.

Speaking after the appointment was disclosed, Mr Brown said it would reaffirm Britain’s influence in Europe. “It shows that Britain is at the heart of Europe and it shows that we are leading the way in extending women’s representation in the way we have done,” he said.

The Prime Minister said he still felt that Mr Blair would have been “excellent”. But he added: “As the week went by it became clear that the EPP (the centre-right grouping in the European Parliament) wanted to have one of their own members as president of the council.”

So, Brown is suggesting that she got the job because she's a woman? Just saying that because UK diplomats don't think she's that well qualified otherwise.

“We feel that it is in Britain’s interests to play a major role in the new EU and don’t forget this is a very important job – not just for its political role but also for its defence role.

Defence roll? Dear God the woman's used to be the treasurer and then vice chairman of CND!  This is the last person you want near a defence roll I bet the Russians are laughing themselves silly over that one. No doubt one of her first jobs will be to tell the French and British to give up their nuclear weapons as the EU says so. The UK will no doubt comply which ever government is in power (unless it breaches the Tory cast iron line in the sand) and the French will tell her to va te faire foutre.

This is a woman in politics who has never faced the electorate in any roll she's played in politics, she's now the number 2 in the EU, reminds me of Sir Joseph Porters song vis HMS Pinafore.

When I was a lad I served a term
As office boy to an Attorney's firm.
I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor,
And I polished up the handle of the big front door.
I polished up that handle so carefullee
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

CHORUS. — He polished up that handle so carefullee
That now he is the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

Sir Joseph. As office boy I made such a mark
That they gave me the post of a junior clerk.
I served the writs with a smile so bland,
And I copied all the letters in a big round hand —
I copied all the letters in a hand so free,
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

CHORUS. — He copied all the letters in a hand so free,
That now he is the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

Sir Joseph.In serving writs I made such a name
That an articled clerk I soon became;
I wore clean collars and a brand-new suit
For the pass examination at the Institute,
And that pass examination did so well for me,
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

CHORUS. — And that pass examination did so well for he,
That now he is the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

Sir Joseph. Of legal knowledge I acquired such a grip
That they took me into the partnership.
And that junior partnership, I ween,
Was the only ship that I ever had seen.
But that kind of ship so suited me,
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

CHORUS. — But that kind of ship so suited he,
That now he is the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

Sir Joseph. I grew so rich that I was sent
By a pocket borough into Parliament.
I always voted at my party's call,
And I never thought of thinking for myself at all.
I thought so little, they rewarded me
By making me the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

CHORUS. — He thought so little, they rewarded he
By making him the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

Sir Joseph. Now landsmen all, whoever you may be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool,
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule —
Stick close to your desks and never go to sea,
And you all may be rulers of the Queen's Navee!

CHORUS. — Stick close close to your desks and never go to sea,
And you all may be rulers of the Queen's Navee!

So, now you know, never ever face the public and you can go all the way to the top of the EU. And they wonder why we oppose the whole corrupt organisation, at its most simple it's because they don't listen and they don't ask.

*It should be noted (in the interests of fairness), that the Baroness was voted politician of the year in 2006 by the homosexual lobby group Stonewall – which is about as near as she has come to being elected for any public office. She should do well in the EU.